The complexity of this thing we call life

I'm feeling really rather perplexed.
I wonder if I am really advancing in this Game of Life.

Have I grown stupider as I've grown older? Are my neurons really firing in the way that they used to, or are they limp and soggy from excess of consumption and severe under-use? Is that grey matter in my head (and also the other squishy stuff) going to waste? Could I have been much more clever and sharp than I am? Was I ever intelligent or just good at jumping through (metaphorical) hoops?

Will I ever progress to have the career I talk about, or am I just always having an over-complicated ideal of what I'd like to do, without ever having really any idea what I am, who I am, where I want to be and what I want to do? Have I done anything in my vocational life of any worth to myself or others? Consequently, will I ever do anything in my vocational life that is of worth to myself or others? More importantly, will I ever have a truly inspirational idea?

And, will I ever learn to be less critical and believe enough in myself, my qualities and what I've achieved? Will I ever be proud enough to say all this to others without feeling small, meek, mild and unimportant?

Finally, will I ever learn how to balance everything, or will I always have this feeling that my lunchbox is falling off my knees?


I am however, happy, that GNER has sent a cheque for 12 pounds reimbursement and that my socks are dry. I've also made a nice list and crossed off things that I've done, which leaves a slight feeling of empowerment.

YES YES YES

to the Everyman Cinema Club in Hampstead. Just a short walk from the tube, you can go there and watch movies in style on sofa couches whilst quoffing vino.

Yes Yes Yes.

Click here to see for yourself:
http://www.everymancinema.com/cinemas/gallery.asp?SessionID=ED3AA5F79C06472EA1A975696669DEF6&cn=1&ci=2&ln=1&pi=17

Correction

I should actually say that I have been terribly un-PC by calling little people 'midgets'. I completely apologise and hereby will refer to them as people of a shorter height.

I should also say thanks to my friend Mike, who was the instigator of the showing of the people of a shorter height pornography. Mike is a teacher of British children. He has also danced in front of them in a cow suit, complete with udders. I'm very worried about this, understandably.

Anyway, thank you Mike.

Booze...

is bad. I feel like today that someone has ripped my liver from my body and smashed it into a thousand pieces and then made pate from it.

Last night was Lost Vagueness. I scared small children at the Tube station with my blue hair and PVC dominatrix outfit and (unfilled) multicoloured super soaker. I also got to perform on stage with the marvellous Rude Mechanicals which was a lot of fun. It involved writhing around at the front and sucking marshmallow toes, a favourite past time of mine.

I've also found another great greasy spoon, which always makes me feel fulfilled.

I'm still...

in love! Yay!

I stand corrected...

God bless Soulmates.

It has delivered to me a very lovely boy indeed.

We met over midget porn, and bonded as we escaped its luridness.
He still liked me after seeing me dance madly as I was dressed up in the afore-mentioned aqua blue wig and psychedelic dress.

I keep grinning wildly at everyone and seem to be sighing and coo-ing a lot, like a contented pigeon.

Oh, Ah, Eeeeee...

I'm in love!

Hooray!